


Curtains Close

by KermitSaysGayRights



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gen, Jemily is implied, dont hate me, hella sad, im sorry, moreid sorta is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:28:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28001661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KermitSaysGayRights/pseuds/KermitSaysGayRights
Summary: Throughout the years of the BAU they’ve lost a lot of agents. Some new & some old, no ones safe from the horrors past the FBI doors.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 10
Kudos: 21





	Curtains Close

**Author's Note:**

> i’m so sorry for what you’re abt to read, feel free to yell at me

Unfair. That was the exact word used to describe what happened to the oh so sweet BAU team. Once they were all together, living, breathing, happy on occasions now they aren’t so lucky. 

Now they’re all just faces on a wall.

—————————————————————

Elle Greenaway. She would’ve laughed in your face if your told her she left the bau on her own accord after only working there for a year and a half. She never thought she’d willingly turn in her own badge, but there she was. This wasn’t supposed to happen, she wasn’t supposed to lose her cool. The click of her gun, then louder than she ever thought before, the sound of the bullet cutting through the air. It all still echoed in her ears, all the way to Hotch’s office, to her car, to her shoebox apartment and all the way to six years after the date. 

Penelope kept a tab on her, what happened to her, what elle _did_. Nothing big ever came in, normal things, on occasion maybe there’d be an apartment change. Nothing strange ever happened until the report came in, it sat on her screen for two days before she noticed. Emily had died at the hands of Doyle leaving destruction in their wake. Then to top it all off, Elle, oh poor sweet Elle. She never deserved this life, one full of lies and deceit.

She was gone, AWOL, simply disappeared. Penelope didn’t even notice until the missing person report came in. Even then it was too late, four days had passed till it was filed than two for Penelope to notice. Six whole days of her just _gone_. She should have known, she should’ve kept better tabs, she should’ve called. Instead she’d wait and sit, Hotch told her a long time ago to _not_ keep tabs. So she’ll wait, Elle would turn up, she had too. 

Two weeks. It took Penelope Garcia, tech extraordinaire, two weeks to forget. Two weeks to forget a girl she spent 703 days with, a missing women faded into the piles of others. All gone now, all gone in two simple weeks.

It was dark day, rainy and dark. Elle was walking to her car when she saw him, with one glance he quicken his pace. She tried to scream, nothing came out, it was all a blur by then. Quickly without anyone seeing, she was tucked away into a car. The door snapped shut and it was dark, dark and cold. She waited and waited, someone had to find her. They had to find her, maybe it was silly to think they’d just come running in. 

She left them on such bad terms, Spencer would’ve blamed himself, Hotch would’ve dug himself a hole, maybe bury himself deeper into his work. Morgan better have moved on fast, but of course he wouldn’t, Gideon, who knows what he did. Poor old Penelope, she must’ve never let what happened go. She’d always remember the girl who cried wolf and ran away, she’d never forget. 

Her curtain closed long before, only now the audience left.

Years had passed. Whatever happened to _Elle_ was never talked of, never thought of. 

Gideon’s body turned up, they mourned, they moved on. He was only one of the many to leave Spencer, at least he had Morgan, at least he _did_ have Morgan. He didn’t blame him for leaving, in a weird way he wanted him to.

Derek was happy to stay home with his kid and Savannah but it only took so long for him to get a job offer. So from nine to five he was gone teaching FBI cadets, he admired the starstruck look in their eyes even if half of them wouldn’t make it. Yeah, it made him miss his team but he always had Rossi’s family dinners and the occasional stop by at the BAU. It was new balance even if it was weird at first.

He never did stop seeing his team, even a growing family couldn’t stop him. Penelope and Spencer were really the only ones to keep dropping by after the first few months. He was glad to have such a loving family for Hank to grow up with. 

He’d be happy to stay with them for as long as the hands of _life_ would let him stay. If only they’d be kind to his team, begging and praying didn’t save them.

——

Aaron Hotchner got his family taken away from him then he, himself was ripped away from his. It was just him and his son, no one else. A long time ago he would’ve thought that would be enough, now not so much. He never got to say goodbye to anyone, he didn’t chose this but there he was with a new identity. 

He missed the quiet jazz music and muffled laughter from Rossi’s house when they had team dinners. At least he’s alive, but what’s a life worth living without his team making sure he knows he _should_ stay alive. _Mr_. Hotchner will just have to keep going for him, for his son even if he has to hear the horrendous consequences of his absence. Like the deaths of his beloved agents, no, they’re his family. 

_Was_ his family.

Even with a unit chief gone people came and _went_. Some they knew well and others were taken too quickly. Agent Stephen Walker, some had to pay a price they never thought they would. The image of him then his family over his grave, never did leave someone without a shiver. That’d memory would dance about anyone’s mind no matter how hard you try to forget.

Some were more affected by his death then others, even if they didn’t admit it:

The shining light of the BAU floor, a star amongst the endless space. The only problem was Penelope had been getting just that little bit dimmer each day that passed. Horrors plagued her mind and screens every hour of everyday without fail.

It would only be expected for her to leave after such a long stay, they’d be okay without her. She’d go off to save others lives with the clack of her keyboard and the warmth of her smile. 

It’d truly never be the same without her, the office was always so much _colder_ when she left. Her little saviors would make it, right? They’d be okay, that’s what she’d tell herself.

Sometimes even Miss. Penelope Garcia can be wrong.

——

Time marched forwards, people got older and subsequently weaker.

The team had left Rossi earlier that night after a nice family dinner. A case wrapped up, a dinner of celebration and now he’d retire to his room. That was almost all complete till he felt a pain in his chest, he knew almost immediately what was happening. This was how he lost his father, a heart attack wasn’t going to take him out too. He was already on the floor before he could he reach the phone, it was all happening too fast, yet too slow.

He laid there for 8 minutes, dying on his own with nobody with him, without anyone knowing. He kept telling himself someone would find him, someone would save him. Half of that would be true, it’d be Emily to bust through the front door to find Rossi laying in his living room.

They couldn’t wish that they’d taken the bullet for him, there was no bullet. They couldn’t go after some unsub for revenge, there was no unsub. It was just _over_ , just like that..

His funeral was bleak, nothing like he would’ve wanted. Everyone kept to their selves, they all took their own turns saying goodbye. Morgan was the first to leave, slowly everyone spilled out of the graveyard into their own cars. 

_Some_ lingered to say one last goodbye, Emily should of left earlier but maybe if she sat just a bit longer she’d be able to gather herself. Telling herself that “it wasn’t supposed to end like this” was not making it any easier to leave. Luckily for her, she’d have a shoulder to lean on,

The youngest of the team yet he was protecting her from her own mind. He wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, she’d be sure of it this time.

Little Spencer Reid, the one they vowed to protect, the one _she_ vowed to protect. Too young to be taken seriously yet a head with wits beyond his years. 

His intellect was always there to protect and shield him from the horrors of the world when others were to busy to take up the challenge. Yet even his intelligence could not protect himself from yet again putting himself in the line of danger. Dr. Reid, a man of many talents, ripped away from this world with a single bullet. 

It was unfair really, he fought so hard for this, to stay with his family. He always thought he didn’t deserve it, a family so loving, so trusting, one that knew him so well when he didn’t even know himself. 

Dr., agent, Spencer, someone who’s grown so much from the little frightened boy standing at the bau doors on his first day. Unfortunately for him he’d die by gun like he always thought he would but unlike his thoughts it _wouldn’t_ be by his own hand. 

Little Spencer Reid, didn’t go quickly either, the world was unkind to him like that.

It was all fine one moment, standing next to Emily like he always did. The next he hit the asphalt, hard. JJ was the first to him, pulling him against some squad car. Then there was shouting, _so_ much shouting, just like at home. It was all a blur from there, a mess of faces. Emily was there, yeah she _was_ there. He tried to call out, she told him to save his energy, she never did let him say goodbye.

All that he loved were never into goodbyes, not Elle, not Gideon, not Derek, not Hotch, not even his own father. No one ever was, so there he was, a dead man with no goodbyes to give.

——

Reid wasn’t the only one to die in the field or the only one they’d have to bury. In a span of a year they’d have another picture to put up on the wall of fallen agents.At least it was hero’s death and an honorable one. 

Poor Luke Alvez, the man’s whose chapter ended far too early. With the last page turned he walked into the building with his vest on. His vest was going to protect him from whatever evil lurked inside, he was going in _alone_. 

Instead of man with gun, he found a young girl, sobbing with her hands clamped. Slowly he approached, someone, _something_ must’ve caused this. 

The closer he got the clearer picture of what happened formed. The young girl, fifteen at the oldest held a black detonator in her hands. Calmly and swiftly they traded positions, the girl ran away towards the entrance leaving him alone with bomb and who knows what. JJ would help her, so he sat and waited, and waited. 

It’s odd to know that you’re staying in a situation of life and death without being able to know who would tell your story. Had he made an impact, was what he did everyday enough? All he wanted, really, was to make a difference, do something for once, even if he meant he would have to face his greatest fears. So he stayed there, alone, afraid, he waited and waited and waited.

With enough time passed, anyone could tell that no one was coming in, no one was going to save him this time. He’d die alone with no way to let them know that he was sorry. Sorry that he didn’t do _enough,_ even then he could only hope to know they were proud either way. 

Two minutes passed before a man in black appeared. The unsub’s hands shook, even with that he pulled his gun. Before Luke even knew exactly what was going to happen, he yelled. “BOMB” 

No one was going to come, no one was going to save him, all hope washed away. The glock trained on his arm, his hands held the detonator. This was it, no last goodbye, no last hug. Another chapter closed in 1, 2-

Matt Simmons, He missed his brother, everyone did but it was _different_ for him. He should have gotten over it, he’d lost people before, why couldn’t he just forget? The building collapsing in on itself still played in his head on loop, why couldn’t he just forget?

Day after day for two months he tried to get up, he tried to go to work, to hang out with his children, make dinner, leave his bed, he just _couldn’t_. He just laid there, his desk empty with another one, freshly cleaned out next to his. It wasn’t fair that he was still here, Luke should’ve been out there still but instead it was _him_ just laying around.

But as with everything he pieced it together and slowly he was whole again, cracked but whole. Even then he couldn’t face the music of BAU, no Luke, no Matt. Another man gone, another desk empty. 

——

Everyone was still reeling from Luke’s death, Matt had left, Tara wasn’t sleeping. Yet Emily was supposed to be strong, she had to for _them_. The only flaw in that is the fact she’s reckless, Luke wasn’t afraid to call her out on it. She was seeing things, she was seeing _him_.

_ It should have been me, I should’ve been the one to die there. Not him he didn’t deserve it.. _

So chasing the unsub up to the roof was dangerous, reckless, and she knew it too. But there she was, all alone, no one to protect to her from her fate. She didn’t see him from behind the corner, she should of. It was too late, the first shot rang out and she fell over the edge. Forty Five stories to her death. Emily could scream and kick all she wanted but it wouldn’t save her now. 

The wind brushed past her ears, whispering evils. It was supposed to go quick, she wasn’t supposed to even know what was happening. Oh but it never goes that way, she had enough time to regret. To regret every flaw, words said and unsaid, every idiotic choice. It all came rushing back, boiling up inside of her. Her unfortunate despise of pain and uncertainty from falling forty five stories _was_ quick enough to not let her make her peace. So there she laid shot and fallen from the roof, laying on the pavement. 

No one ever gets their happy ending, she didn’t even get to wish for one.

With her gone, everything descended into chaos, they weren’t a team anymore nor after losing all of them. Emily’s death was the last straw, they never did _fix_ themselves after her she left.

JJ still saw Emily everywhere she looked, the small cafe they got coffee at, her old office, her favorite bar. It was if she never left but this time every time they locked eyes she felt an immense pain, like her world was cracking. She still yelled for her in the dead of night, she was plagued with the memories of her falling all those nights ago. 

Tara ended up taking Emily’s old position, everyone always thought it would be JJ to. Maybe it was because she couldn’t stand in the room without vomiting. She was mess without her, it was if her existence was _incomplete,_ something in the world had changed. It was if the balance of everything that is good got a little bit darker as soon as Emily slipped away. 

There was nothing she could do now, she could only spend so many nights sobbing over a grave.

Cases past, months went by, then finally the clocked ticked a year past the day the world got a little darker. It had been a month past the anniversary of Emily’s death and JJ had thrown everything left of herself into their latest case. She couldn’t see past the case file, which only landed her in car chase she wasn’t equipped for.

She was speeding down some back road chasing after some bullshit guy when she turned the corner a little too fast. The SUV spun out to the middle of the road only to be slammed by another car. She saw it coming but she couldn’t move, she couldn’t brace, she couldn’t save herself.

She was all by herself, no one got out to help her. So she laid there, paralyzed, hope left as soon as she got hit. A women left by everything good she had, left to lie on the cold asphalt road, with nothing to protect her. Maybe she wouldn’t be alone in her next life, if she has one waiting for her.

All of them _gone,_ some of their own accord, nonetheless they were all gone. It was just her left, no one else. Do you stay or do you go when everyone and everything has abandoned you?

She left, Dr. Tara Lewis left. How could anyone take the burden of losing everyone you worked so hard with? No one could, not even her, a women who walked into that office years ago and told herself that the only way she’d leave would be in a body bag. In a way it all made sense, most of them did, sometimes she wished she was among them.

She has to carry the burden of all those she lost in the field, they were her little family, broken but good. Even those who crawled their way out couldn’t bare to see whatever came of her. They didn’t call, if they did she wouldn’t answer, they _broke_. No one looked at each other, no one hugged, no one talked, no one dared to breath. Their past was just that, _past_.

Even though that was true she couldn’t just say goodbye, so all their pictures, their faces just laid in a box never to be touched. The worst was the _flags_ , Reid didn’t have any family to take his, neither did Emily, so there they were, just yet another physical manifestation of her failure, judging her every move. Luke’s family died awhile back so his flag was given to Matt, she would’ve taken it for him but who’s she to take away another thing that’ll torture him. He already tortures himself day in and day out, why not let him?

When you lose everything and everyone you thought you’d have till the end, sometimes you just have to walk away. So did anyone of them really make it out in the end? Most of them memorialized as a stone in the ground others started their own family to forget their old one, some didn’t leave by choice and were forced to watch from afar, some fell into a depression they’d never leave, one even left to do more good even if they lost their own. 

No one walked away free of what the BAU _was_. They were all just faces on a wall in the end. 

A missing person poster, all those lined up on the BAU wall to remember their bravery, and those photos that never leave their families homes even long after they’ve passed.

They were all just faces on a wall in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> so uh isn’t that such a happy lil’ story?? also i’m very proud of myself for actually calculating how many days elle was at the bau for-


End file.
